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OUTHOUSE GAZETTE SEPTEMBER 2010

 The Exponential Times  ‘Conversations with Judith Carruthers, Director of Career Development, Castleton State College     Come see me – I know “stuff.” Judith.carruthers@castleton.edu     468 – 1339  http://castleton-career.blogspot.com      Follow me on Twitter:    csc_career_deve and Castleton Career Development on Facebook and under Judith Carruthers on linkedin.com

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Greetings: You tell me you like my “stories” so ok, here’s another one.

 HOW FLUNKING OUT OF SCHOOL MADE MY LIFE PERFECT. I, er, didn’t finish school. Not high school anyway. Went into Grade 8 (in Montreal) with a scholarship. Skinny, knock-kneed freckled red-head, bright as a button. Well, two weeks in, I heard “the big kids” talking about preparing for their French Oral Presentation. They had to give one in order to graduate. Well, no way I was going to speak in public. Didn’t matter French or English. Could probably have pulled it off in Yiddish with a bit if help (I was Irish Protestant. But that’s another story) Anyway, no way. No public speaking for me. Uh, uh. Not going to happen. So, I went to my teacher, Mrs. McCarthy, and explained that I couldn’t give an oral presentation in front of people, it didn’t matter French or English, so could I just give it in front of her and she wanted to know what the heck I was talking about and I explained that the “big kids” said that a person couldn’t graduate in Quebec at that time without giving a French Oral Presentation in Grade 11. She stared over her scary ½ glasses at me and said, “You’ve been in grade 8 for two weeks. Grade 11 is a long way off and no, you can’t just give the presentation to one person, you aren’t special, you have to do it like everyone else.”

OK, then. I went to the Guidance Counselor. How would I even know to do that, I have no idea. I told her my story and explained that I couldn’t give an oral presentation in front of people, it didn’t matter French or English, so could I just give it in front of her and she wanted to know what the heck I was talking about and I explained that the “big kids” said that a person couldn’t graduate in Quebec at that time without giving a French Oral Presentation in Grade 11.  And she said: , “You’ve been in grade 8 for two weeks. Grade 11 is a long way off and no, you can’t just give the presentation to one person, you aren’t special, you have to do it like everyone else.”

So, skinny, freckle-faced, ballsy little kid that I was, I go to the principal. Spelled with “pal” ‘cause he’s your “pal.” Yeah, right. Mr. Unsworth. He always wore his black academic robes, fluttered down the halls like the angel of death. Anyway…I did it. I went to his office and asked to speak to him which must have amused him no end. And I told him my story and explained that I couldn’t give an oral presentation in front of people, it didn’t matter French or English, so could I just give it in front of him and he wanted to know what the heck I was talking about and I explained that the “big kids” said that a person couldn’t graduate in Quebec at that time without giving a French Oral Presentation in Grade 11. And he said: “You’ve been in grade 8 for two weeks. Grade 11 is a long way off and no, you can’t just give the presentation to one person, you aren’t special, you have to do it like everyone else.”  Honestly – almost word for word. Was there a script for this in the school handbook?

So, there it lay. I was done. No use doing well, or even showing up for classes if I couldn’t graduate anyway, ‘cause I was not doing that presentation in front of people. Every time I got hauled into the Guidance Counselor or the Vice Principal’s office, or Parents’ Night or whatever, they asked the same question. What the heck was the matter with me? I was so bright, but I ‘just didn’t apply myself’…and I was always honest and forthright and explained that I couldn’t give an oral presentation in front of people, it didn’t matter French or English, so could I just give it in front of them and they wanted to know what the heck I was talking about and I explained that the “big kids” said that a person couldn’t graduate in Quebec at that time without giving a French Oral Presentation in Grade 11. And it always got a weird look, and a dismissive comment and on and on we went. Two years and two summer schools for Grade 9, two years and one summer school for grade 10. Oh…highest SAT scores ever recorded for the school. I was actually in the principal’s office when he took a dressing down from the School Board dudes for “losing this student.” And this guy said I didn’t have to do that oral presentation in front of people; they’d work something out and well, I was a teenager now, and had a job at Woolworth’s candy counter so who needs this and I just quit.

I got “good jobs” for the times – legal secretary, that was the top you could hope for. That and marrying some guy who had a job with Bell Canada or the railway. My boyfriend was a college guy, BMOC actually, and we were at a party and people were talking about their majors and their classes and their cool new jobs and someone said to me, “…and what do you do?” And I said, “nothing.” And they walked away.  I swore I would never give ‘nothing’ for an answer to anything again! I signed up for night school: I was going Monday night, Tuesday night, Wednesday night, Thursday night (no night school Fridays) and Saturday morning. And someone said, how old are you and I said, I’d be 21 in a couple of weeks and they told me that I don’t need to finish the classes - once you are 21 you can write a special university entrance exam in Quebec and if you make it – you’re in. So I did. And I passed. And I signed up for Philosophy 101 – the only class not full, and there were 200+ students in the class and the professor asked if there were any questions and I had one and everyone laughed at me, and I never went back for a full decade.

So I became the first female tractor trailer driver in Quebec. $100 a week as a secretary/$100 a day as a truck driver. Women’s lib didn’t have so much influence as that. But that’s a tough job. So now, I am 31, divorced, two kids, feeling lower than whatever. Really low. So I walked across the park to the University that was right there and signed up for a class. French. Why not. Got an “A.” Felt some self-esteem come back. Took another one. Another “A.” Felt even better. Hmm wonder what the heck I could pull off in English? Well 7 years later, I had a Master of Arts in Stylistics (Linguistics and Literature) and was a newly minted professor of Shakespeare and had a reputation of being a cracker jack Avant Garde Poetics critic in Montreal! “Poetics” mind you, not just a poetry critic, but the “expert” behind the stuff behind the stuff. Imagine! The intellectual of the intellectual! I felt lucky I could even spell Avant Garde!  I believe that would qualify for culture shock.

Well, once again, there was no Career Development counselor with any imagination to help me look at other possible ‘areas of interest,’  so I stayed with teaching English at University and College level. But, ADDer that I am, teaching the same thing all the time was death to me, and I was always nosey and asking the students what was up and I always ended up counseling in career development areas and finally – taaa daaa – here I am, at 64, a pretty decent Director of Career Development, and I do say that because I worked really hard to be that – mainly because I never had a “me” like me who would listen when people have a “story.”  And what else do I do? Oh, yeah, I teach Effective Speaking!  Why? Because I can.  Because I “get it.” Because I understand how awful it is to be that afraid. And to date, my favourite thing in life to do is motivational speaking. In front of large groups. Go figure. Try to tell as many people as I can the “truth” as I see it, so it might help them. So, what would I say to a student? Find out what scares you the most. What is the thing that is just crunching you to the ground, grinding you in the dirt, giving you night sweats and take a really, really good look at it. It may be the one thing that will bring the most joy to your life. Trust me. I don’t know why, but it kind of follows with what I’ve said in a previous OG about finding the person you like the least and taking them to lunch. You will probably learn more from them that anyone else you ever meet and save yourself literally years of self-help stuff. No, I don’t know why the “backwards” stuff works. It just does. Or at least it does now that I am actually looking backwards. Might save you some time.

XOXOXO Judith